Aries – You tend to wonder why you can’t roll as good as the guy next to you but you’re not willing to spend the time to learn the skill. You’d rather spend the time being envious of theirs. You get out of life what you put into it, so put some work in.
Taurus – You’ve spent so much time loving your own wax that you’re missing out on opportunities to try some of the bomb bomb. Listen to your smoker buddy, usually, he’s full of it, but this week he’s exhaling some good advice.
Gemini – When trying to squeeze a nug, you use so much pressure that you ruin a good press. Use this nug of wisdom and don’t squeeze your own head too hard this week.
Cancer – You have spent so much time working hard in your garden this season that you forgot to enjoy the harvest. When you forget yourself, your spirit doesn’t flower as well as your plants do. So pull your roots out of the ground and dig your feet in. This is your week to relax.
Leo – You’re passing the joint to the left, just like the song tells you to, but this butthead would prefer it to go to the right. While you guys try to figure it out, your joint is burning away to nothing. There are no winners when you’re wasting the weed. Focus.
Virgo – Your family member decides they want in on your Stoney edible business venture, but you’re learning fast that they are not willing to work well with others. Instead of fighting, eat a brownie, and let them have it this week. You have more important things to worry about. Or not worry about…
Libra – You think that bag of weed is only worth $20, but they’re trying to charge $23. Some days your pride is worth $3, so stick it out, and you can buy a Slurpee after you get that $20 bag. This is your week to win… $3.
Scorpio – You don’t seem to get medicated the way you used to from the giant blunt you’re smoking. Hang in there; a better strain is just around the corner. Sometimes, you have to smoke your way through miles of schwag to get to the good strains, but when you get there, the high is worth the headache.
Sagittarius – You have become a master grower. You now know everything there is to know about growing the best pot on the planet. Or so you tell yourself. Now is the time to take on a mentor. When you believe you know everything, it makes it very hard to learn anything.
Capricorn – In your smoking circle there is always one pain in the neck. I would take a double hit because they will be very annoying this week. The only problem is, everyone seems to be on their side so best to just keep to yourself.
Aquarius – When you drop a joint on the ground you will put it in your mouth without thinking twice. Then why not an edible? Sometimes you have to eat a little crap to get what you want in life. This is one of those weeks, so keep a toothbrush in your pocket. No one likes yuck mouth.
Pisces – When two friends are growing one plant someone has to compromise. This week it needs to be you if you value your growing partner. But, for peace of mind, you are both amazing gardeners.