By Chelsea Hanks
IG: @csh420
I was diagnosed with an emotionally unstable personality disorder or BPD when I was twenty years old. I had been smoking cannabis for six years prior to this but it wasn’t until I was twenty-four that I started using cannabis as medicine as opposed to just a recreational/casual use and was fully able to see the positive way in which it affected my BPD and the intense moods that came alongside it. When I started paying more attention to the plant and caring witch type of strain I would use and for when that I really began to slow down in a way I didn’t think my brain would ever allow me.
The worst thing for me about BPD is the lack of a sense of control that I have. Whether it be a happy or sad occurrence the minutest thing can revoke such a strong emotion out of me which had always been out of my control, I could not predict what might trigger it, I could not anticipate how long it would last. I would simply just have to wait until whatever mood had run its course, Using the term simply lightly.
I have always loved indicas well before having a better knowledge of cannabis, the sleepy sedative high perfect for calming my manic moods and keeping me relatively content. I used to avoid sativas completely if possible because of the fear of becoming more intensified by a stronger cerebral buzz and just stick to what would slow me down.
Since treating this powerful plant correctly I can now use sativa strains for their full positive potential. I use sativas in smaller amounts during the day when I need a little energy boost or to plow my focus into creative tasks. In the evening and before bed, I have a larger dose of indica to slow my mind down and to sleep easier. Of course, I still enjoy the occasional early afternoon dose of indica when I have a day off and nothing to do. I am not embarrassed to say that I always weigh what I smoke first because I seem to have found the perfect weight for keeping my mood completely balanced.
The dramatic change in my BPD over the last five months alone due to cannabis has been remarkable. I could go into double figures daily with my mood swings, but now I am so much more grounded in my head and my self and feel like I have the sense of control I have been missing most of my life. On the odd occasion, I do have a BPD induced mood swing they are so much more manageable. My new found sense of rationality enables me to be more aware of potential triggers to my mood and to pacify my emotional outbursts.
Recently I have incorporated CBD in the form of extracts, as well as in oil form, into my THC “regime,” if you will. The effects have been even further positive, using a sativa based CBD kief for the daytime and an indica CBD hash in the evenings. My anxiety, especially in social settings has improved massively. Certain situations I would have absolutely crumbled in a year ago I am now able to handle calmly (and with a hint of new found confidence.) My head is clear enough for me to breathe and take a second to logically analyze my emotions before acting on them.
I am slowly but surely managing my BPD and anxieties, it’s a slow road and I still have my hiccups but I’m in control and I couldn’t have done without cannabis!
